Over time, as you strengthen and deepen your recovery from addiction, you will undoubtedly revisit Steps 8 and 9 many times. Eventually you will find you are making amends day by day through the positive actions you routinely take in living by Twelve Step principles. It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse. If making an amends means exposing ourselves to triggering environments, we ought to reconsider and discuss healthy alternatives with a sponsor or addiction counselor.
How do I prepare for the 9th step?
We need to figure out what the lesson is for us and what our new behaviors and responses need to be so that the abuse or mistreatment does not continue. Often the lesson is learning to own my power to take care of myself with people. This is a grieving process, done in stages that begin with denial and move us into anger and sadness. Once we have done this we are ready to forgive, but not until then. Forgiveness done too soon will be ineffective and will require re-doing. You may not have written a list, but if you have been relating to people, you have a list.
Paramount, YouTube TV strike deal, averting CBS outage
Accepting outcomes and working towards rebuilding relationships fosters closure and forward movement in recovery. To fix broken relationships, you have to put a lot of effort into making things work. It’s not enough to say to someone that you apologize and feel badly for how you acted in the past.
Enroll in Our Sober Living at Harmony Haus
We blame ourselves for certain things that happened – sometimes rightfully, and sometimes not. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough. How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances?
How Soon Do I Start to Make Amends Once I Am Sober?
Sometimes, symbolic amends are made when direct contact with the person harmed is not feasible or could cause further damage. This ensures we take Sober living house accountability and make positive changes without causing additional harm in our recovery while making amends to such people we cannot make direct amends to. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others or making living amends. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles.
FAQs on Writing Amends for AA
They want to find ways of making up for all their past wrongs, and they don’t want to miss the opportunity to do so once their loved one dies. In these cases, they make promises of cleaning up their act and changing their behaviors to their loved ones just before they die. Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life.
- However, even if you feel extremely motivated to make direct amends, it is advisable to take your time with this step.
- But what happens when the person you need to make amends with dies before you’re able to apologize and change your ways?
- We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service of an actual attorney.
- If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help.
- In a sober living house, members can transition out of treatment and adjust to their new substance-free lifestyle.
These promises focus on rebuilding your relationship with a loved one and moving forward from the pain of the past. In rare cases, making amends in recovery may inadvertently lead to further harm or negative consequences for the individual or the person receiving the amends. It’s crucial to consider the potential risks carefully and work closely with a sponsor or therapist to navigate these situations. This can lead to a breakdown in communication, increased conflict, financial strain, and a profound loss of trust within the family unit. What most of us wanted in the way of amends from another was to have that person acknowledge their part in harming us.
Join our Mailing List
- My living amends to my mother is to be fully present in my life so I can be fully present in hers.
- Often the lesson is learning to own my power to take care of myself with people.
- Today, I know my words have value whether they pay attention or not.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can have a profound impact on daily life—causing nightmares, flashbacks,…
Essentially, it means making a radical shift in the way you live and sticking to that. When you make living amends, you make genuine changes to support your emotional and physical sobriety. In doing so, you what is a living amends promise to live a sober and honest life and never return to your old ways of lying and hurting the people you love the most. Living amends demonstrate personal growth and commitment to change in recovery. It’s an alternative when direct amends cannot be made safely or might cause more harm. Honesty is key in determining impactful living amends, which require ongoing effort and dedication to show real transformation.
Sober Living Services
Bear in mind, you’re not alone while navigating the process of making amends. Many have walked this path before, and their wisdom can provide valuable guidance. Everyday AA slogans like ‘taking it easy,’ ‘progress rather than perfection,’ and ‘live and let live’ can all be helpful reminders that apply when making amends too. Incorporating these lessons into the development of future amends can lead to a more positive and meaningful outcome for such people, and allow for a more mindful and respectful approach. Reflecting on previous attempts at making amends can provide valuable insights and learning opportunities for more effective amends in the future.
